Hi I’m Vivienne, I can’t tell you that caring was amazing I never wanted to be a Carer especially for my Mum, when she got sick. I did things that I don’t think any child should do and I wouldn’t ever expect my own children to do it for me! I guess I just found an inner strength and I knew that I just had to do it.
I don’t however think I really cared for myself during that time, it was like I was not important, I knew there would be time for me later. One thing I will say is you need to make peace with yourself. When it is all over and you think back you tend to think things like; you could have done something better, and in these moments it can be hard to forgive yourself. It is often the little things that you feel guilty for later.
Everyone is different I found I had to turn off and not see her as my mother, in the later stages especially. I had to do this. We were lucky that we had early conversations so I knew what she wanted.
At the time people often said they couldn’t understand why I didn’t fall apart but this was because we had talked and I knew she was ready to go and be with my Dad.
She never remarried after my dad died, he was the love of her life and it helps me to think they are together. It wasn’t like she prepared me but she did make it easier for me. She asked me questions like if she had been a good mother? And of course she had I wouldn’t have been the person I am today without her.