Are you up for it….

Before you think about looking after an elderly family member, I would advise people need to weigh up whether this is something you can actually do. My own experience has shown me this is not a short-term commitment it can be a long journey. I have been caring for my mother now for the past 25 years.

The most helpful thing I have done for myself is learning how to take time. Even if it is just a couple of hours, once a week. At the beginning of this journey I was not doing this and I was building up a lot of resentment, both toward my mother as well as my family.  Most recently I have started to do a couple of short adult courses. I have to make sure to carry my phone on me at all times and I had to talk through with my teachers my situation. This meant they could give me the space to leave if there was an emergency.

It is very rewarding being a carer, very hard work though and not everyone can do it. It’s gratifying because you can see that because of you, someone else can retain his or her independence. Mum is someone who is at the age where most people would consider a nursing home for their family, but I can see that she still wants to be independent.

It is hard work not just physically but emotionally. It can be very draining some days especially more than others, depending on appointments. Or on the days after a surgery when she is feeling down or sorry for herself, this can make her very emotional to be with which is very draining.

Everyone would think they could do it, but you really need to go into it with your eyes wide open, as there are sacrifices you’ll need to make. One thing I would advice someone to consider is making sure you have the right people around you at the beginning as their will be little time later to make the right supports or friends.